28/02/2022 0 Comments
ADULTS MAKE DECISIONS, CHILDREN ARE DECIDED FOR.
Making a firm decision exercises your power as a player in the world.
When you were a child, decisions were made for you.
If you live to be old, the power of decision will be removed from you.
All you’ve got is NOW.
THE SWORD OF DECISION
The word ‘decision’ comes from the Latin root ‘decido’, meaning to cut away. Think of words like ‘incision’ or ‘excision’. It’s like a scalpel or sword that clears away all that’s un-useful or irrelevant or harmful, and cuts to the sweet meat of the issue. Good word!
Some people have a real aversion to making decisions because, as one client put it: “As long as I don’t make a final decision, I get to keep all my choices.” I had to think about that.
CHOICES ARE NOT ‘THINGS’
The problem with this kind of thinking is that choices are not ‘things’. Choices are the things from which you choose the thing you really want.
The act of deciding means you cut away the less important stuff and say “This I choose!” You make a decision and move forward with it.
It’s very grown up stuff.
My decision averse client, a 45 year old man, was becoming increasingly anxious and dissatisfied about where his life was going. He had a good job, enough money, a nice apartment, lots of friends and he was happy enough with his current girlfriend. But there was this growing feeling that at his time of life, there should be more. More meaning: a home, a family, putting down roots.
“I love my girlfriend,” he said “But I can’t make a final decision about her, because if I do I’ll lose all my other choices!”
I had this strange image of a four year old him, mouth bulging with sweeties, greedy sticky little hands grabbing for more sweeties, face red with misery and frustration because of all the amazing sweeties in the world that he’d never be able to stuff into his mouth.
CHOICES ARE OPTIONS ON THINGS.
We talk as if choices are something we can actually possess. But we don’t actually have choices. Choices are options on things, the things we get to choose from.
No matter how many choices you have, you haven’t actually got anything real until you grasp the Sword of Decision and cut to what’s really important.
MAKING A DECISION CHANGES THINGS FROM OPTIONS TO POSSESSIONS
Making a decision prunes away all the other options, focusing all your energies on what you have decided will take you forward the way you want, the thing that is of most value to you.
THE SWORD OF DECISION IS NOT A WEAPON FOR WIMPS
Making a decision means being accountable, stepping out of the line-up.
It means being seen as the kind of person who takes hold of their power to shape their own life.
It means owning the consequences. No more hiding behind the cowardly shield of the ‘exonerative tense‘: “Systems error” … “mistakes were
made … “
THE DECISION NOT TO MAKE A DECISION IS ITSELF A DECISION
Negative decision making is the exercise of Passive Aggressive power. Mostly it’s the decision to let others take responsibility for the outcome, so they will get the blame if the decision goes pear shaped.
A TRUE DECISION IS FRAMED AS A DECLARATIVE STATEMENT
A true decision is never framed as a hope, a want, a desire: “I would like to do” or I think I’ll try … “
A true decision is a declarative statement: “I have decided that … What I have decided is ….. !”
DECISIONS FIRM THE PSYCHE
Exercise your decision making muscles, make frequent decisions.
Learn from your decisions
Stay committed but flexible.
Enjoy making decisions.